A Letter to Santa 2: The Revenge
Last year, my family and I put together a Christmas list. I see no reason to buck the trend.
I am a bit disappointed that you felt the need to hold back on some of our more exotic items last year. I’m counting on you to improve on last year’s performance. We believe in you.
The Montano Family
Christmas Wish List
1. A Jaeger, like those in Pacific Rim. Make mine look like Devastator.
2. A bottle that never runs out of sweet red wine.
3. A time machine. Just to be keep things modern, this machine should look like an IPad, and when it’s time to use it we’ll all jump into it “Blue’s Clues” style.
4. A wind turbine. We’ll put it in the front yard.
5. Dark Helmet’s helmet. I’ll wear it when I go to my son’s school functions.
6. A talking Boston Terrier with the voice of Benedict Cumberbatch.
7. A butler. Peter Capaldi will do.
8. A pirate ship, complete with crew.
9. A tie-fighter. Actually, several tie-fighters, in a variety of colors.
10. A katana. (Yes, it was on last year’s list. For some reason, I still don’t have one…Also, according to my son, this is also what the dog wants.)
11. An M203 grenade launcher. (You know…for cleaning the backyard.)
12. Tim Duncan. (He’s just a cool guy. He can be my bodyguard/sparring partner. ;D)
13. A Battlestar. (For our next cross-country trip.)
14. A rhinoceros. (Because they’re frickin’ adorable.)
15. A small island nation. (That’s for Lib. She’s wanted one since she was a kid, and I have yet to deliver…)
16. Mr. Roger’s wardrobe. (He was stylin’.)
17. A sonic screwdriver.
18. A Tricorder.
19. The Force. (I figure #17-19 should make it so I can fix pretty much anything.)
20. An octopus that can knit.
21. The secret of life.
22. Rocket skates.
23. A slice of pecan pie the size of a truck.
24. Sorcerous powers.
25. A giant burrito. (Because I’m really hungry.)
26. Zombie velociraptors. (Admit it: that’s a scary awesome idea. And it was all Lib’s.)
27. A T-Rex. Preferably a pink one.
28. More licorice Altoids than you can shake a stick at. (For Lib. She loves those things.)
29. R2-D2. He seems handy.
30. Jack Crow’s vampire hunting truck. It’ll be handy for the zombie apocalypse.
31. Hermione’s wand. Because it looks cool, and, as Jen Kirchner recently pointed out, Hermione is a badass.
32. Deckard’s police cruiser. I’d use it to drop the kids off at school.
33. Mega-Weapon. See #32. (And points to you if you know what “Mega-Weapon” is. ;D)
34. A full-sized trebuchet, for use in Christmas decorating.
35. A missile silo. (Missile not included.)
36. Stupidity repellant. (I’d like this as both a spray and a cream, please.)
37. A treasure map. Preferably one that leads to some treasure.
38. A Yuh-Gi-Oh Duel disc (like in the cartoon. This is the point where my son took over, and he remains in control through #47.)
39. “Really cool” Yuh-Gi-Oh cards. (And he means REALLY cool.)
40. A race car.
41. A jet-pack.
42. Jet boots. (To go with the jet-pack.)
43. A Christmas dragon (colored green and red).
44. A baseball launcher.
45. A house visit from Calvin Johnson.
46. A house visit from Michael Jordan.
47. For Jason Statham to come over and play video games. (I have a feeling the ladies in the house wouldn’t object…)
48. Mary Poppins’ magic carpet bag.
49. All programming languages downloaded into Lib’s mind. (It would save her a bunch of coursework.)
50. A way to stay completely up-to-date on all new technology. (Without having to expend any time or energy…)