My family has compiled this modest Christmas List for your consideration. Rather than bother you with who in the family gets what, we thought we’d just present a group list, and we’ll divvy out the stuff once you deliver it. We understand that some of these items may be a bit more exotic than your normal requests, but we also know how awesome you are, and we’re sure you’ll do your best.
The Montano Family
Christmas Wish List
1. A shark.
2. A submarine.
3. A super-hero.
4. A blue ninja.
5. A red ninja. (I can only assume that #4 and 5 are going to fight for our amusement, or something.)
6. A suit of power armor. (My son wants Power Ranger armor. I’d prefer something from Robotech.)
7. A dinosaur. (Preferably a triceratops.)
10. A light saber. (My son wants Darth Vader’s. I want Darth Maul’s.)
11. Bat wings.
12. A karate robot to spar with.
13. A microphone that makes you sing better. (I’m getting this for BOTH of my kids.)
14. Private performances by Adele, Sting, Mesh, Mumford & Sons, Linkin Park, Pink and Diorama.
15. A Star Destroyer. (Do they come in blue?)
16. A robot for my son, complete with “arms, legs, swords, and a face”.
17. 90,356,000 “big whales”. (My son has a thing for the number 90,356,000. I don’t think he cares what he gets, so long as he gets that many of them.)
18. A barber’s chair that lifts you up to the sky.
19. A catapult.
20. New Zealand.
21. A detachable head. (You never know when you’ll need one.)
22. The Starship Voyager.
23. A zombie.
24. A vampire.
25. A mummy. (Honestly, I’m not sure what we need #23-25 for.)
26. A bottomless cup of ever-warm coffee.
27. The Tardis.
28. A basketball team. (Preferably the Spurs. If you give me the Lakers, I’ll celebrate Hanukkah, instead.)
29. A giant rock. (My son is weird.)
30. A robotic dog.
31. A giant M&M creature. (Don’t ask.)
32. A kung fu octopus.
33. A chicken with spider-legs. (Thank my son for that one.)
34. A rocket-propelled basketball. (I don’t know why. It just sounds like fun.)
35. A freeze ray.
36. The Iron Giant.
37. A factory that produces bottled liquid Awesome.
38. Mad Max’s V8 Interceptor.
41. The Batmobile. (Preferably the Chris Nolan version, but we’re flexible.)
42. A hot dog. (OK, that one’s also from my son. He asks for a hot dog every morning, so I’m not surprised he’s asking for one here, too.)
44. A TV that only plays shows worth watching.
45. A teleporter. (Make sure it works. I don’t want any Jeff Goldblum-ish incidents.)
46. A dragon. Red.
47. Wile E. Coyote. (He’ll be my personal assistant.)
48. A llama.
49. The destruction of stupidity.
50. An anti-bullshit ray. (#49 and 50 are really for everyone, not just us.)